Monday, May 12th, 2008.
I woke up around noon. ( JFYI, yay, Monday is my day off.) I had this regret from last weekend that I could not make it to the movie I’ve wanted to watch on a big screen for a long time, to be exact, more than ten years!!! “Pierrot le fou” by Jean-Luc Godard, 1965. Well, well, well, I did miss the film last year when it was in a theater somewhere in Brooklyn. I have a DVD and have watched it over and over and over. But, I want to see it on a big screen!!! Anyway, I made coffee, sipping, reading horoscopes through information super highway, is this word dead now?
And I thought about my ex-girlfriend. To be honest, we broke up last October, but, I’ve been having hard time letting her go. She is the first woman who made me feel that I want to get married. Tears for tears, broken heart…blah blah blah…yes, I spent my teen in 1980s… I wanted to take her to the theater last year, but I think we were having arguments and decided to stay home, hmmm, another regret. So, I thought, no more regret, I love her so much, I must let her go for her good and for my good.
I checked the web page of the theater where the movie was being played. This month, they are showing Godard’s films from 1960s. A Woman Is A Woman, 6:15, 8:00, 9:45. While I was crying over the spilt milk, it was already around 7:00pm. Then suddenly, I felt like doing laundry. It was 7:30pm when I put my dirties into a washing machine, the machine was telling me 35min left. “Oh, I can finish by 9:00 pm then rush to the theater!!!” It all went smooth, of course, I was just doing laundry. Then I made it to the theater just on time.
The movie started with a trailer of the movie which we were going to watch, I love trailers of Godard’s movie. The movie is about the relationships between a woman who wants to have a baby and a man who doesn’t want a baby, then another man. This film doesn’t have crazy editing as in his later film, Breathless,(original entry was wrong, Breathless was shot in 1959, A Woman is A Woman, 1961) but sound-wise, it was fresh to me. The lines between a man & a woman reminded me of my relationship. When someone was laughing at dialogs, I was about to cry. In the middle of the film, I almost thought it was a bad idea to watch this by myself, recalling my relationship, good times and bad times. But, it also made me sure that my relationship with the ex was as good as the film. A simple apartment, a small bed, arguments, their jobs…the film made me feel blue, but it did encourage me to letting go of my relationship. I just wished my ending was as happy as the film.
“I want to have a baby.”
“We can’t have a baby.”
“Why?”
“We have to get married first.”
“Then, let’s get married and then have a baby!”
“No, we can’t do that at the same time!”
go on and on…
Tags: A Woman Is A Woman, brokenheart, Godard, life, relationship
